Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2005 February
2005 January
2004 December
2004 November
2004 October
2004 September
2004 August
2004 July
2004 June
2004 May
2004 April
2004 March
2004 February
2003 December
2003 November
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
|
| | | tiga purnama bagai roda | | |
| 05.30.04 (8:03 am) [edit] |
tomorrow mum and dad's coming home from morocco. i miss eating nasi and lauk. for 10 days i've been eating outside (i'm sick of mamaks), got my brain stuck on adobe premiere (alhamdulillah the videoclip is done), lepak with my subang friends.. (sementara boleh because next week i'm off to china for vacation and then back to campus). the truth is, i feel kind of empty.. not that i want anyone in particular to be by my side right now. it just feels a little bit empty. a little bit lost. rasa macam takde motif hidup. maybe i miss having my mum teaching me how to cook and gossiping with me. hmm.
to my indie queen production team, thank u for everything.
to my girlfriend LILY SHAZWINA BT. MOHD AMIN, happy 20th birthday, u old lady!! i love u so much, do u know that?
before the holiday started, my roommate ziela pernah cakap: "lama betul cuti kan? 3 bulan.. anything can happen". she was right. so right, infact. masuk sem baru ni, i'll be facing a lot of things. apart from having people asking me "why did u break up with ezry? what's the story? what have u done??", people will also ask me "what happened to your pointer? from 3.69 to 2.76? seriously, wani??"
some things are not worth explaining. i know nobody will understand the real situation i've gone through. but i also know that all these will pass. just like nazila said to me. all these will pass. and i will learn.
the previous months have been the most 'educational' months in my life. never underestimate the power of the unexpected AND never assume something is impossible because nothing is.
never say 'that thing will never happen to me." never.
|
|
|
| |
| | | reminder untuk kaum adam. | | |
| 05.23.04 (10:17 am) [edit] |
today started off being a 'bad-guy-day'. entah kenapa, hari ni aku asyik kena maki dan menjadi tempat melepaskan geram oleh beberapa orang manusia yang bernama lelaki, be it by sms or phone call. i'm not going to mention any name here. let just say that at 6am in the morning, i found myself in the toilet, shouting furiously at the mirror..
"why the hell are all man pissed off with me today??!!"
to men out there, let me remind u of something. women, be it your girlfriend, scandal, special friend or whatever u call it, if she's not MARRIED to u, she belongs to HERSELF. dia adalah hak mutlak diri sendiri. dia bukan hakmilik sesiapa. i'm not directing this to anyone in particular, but all of u who happened to be in the 'testosterone clan'. i noticed that when u guys got sooo attached to someone and begin to love her waaay too much, u often forget this and at the end, malang people like me has to release tension dalam jamban.
just think.
|
|
|
| |
| | | coba 'tuk bernafas lagi. | | |
| 05.20.04 (12:21 pm) [edit] |
[to EZRY, the man that i've just lost.. but i never regret falling in love with. i dedicate this song to u.]
i'm not a perfect person
as many things i wish i didn't do
but i continue learning
i never meant to do those things to you
and so i have to say before i go
that i just want you to know
i've found a reason for me
to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you
i'm sorry that i hurt you
it's something i must live with everyday
and all the pain i put you through
i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears
that's why i need you to hear
i've found a reason to show
a side of me you didn't know
a reason for all that i do
and the reason is you
*the reason by hoobastank.
|
|
|
| |
| | | dilema makin memberati. | | |
| 05.17.04 (6:14 am) [edit] |
imagine
you're a mother
and u just gave birth
to twins.
but
they have ONE body
ONE heart beating
and TWO heads.
in 3 days
u must choose
which child
deserves to live.
could u decide?
that's pretty much how i'm feeling right now.
|
|
|
| |
| | | tuhan, kini aku lelah. | | |
| 05.14.04 (2:06 am) [edit] |
jill was right. i have no one to turn to. if i tell anyone, people will be like: "ha, itulah ko. sape suruh cari pasal?" tapi salah aku ke? aku cuba pikir salah siapa benda ni, tapi aku tak jumpa jawapannya. right now, i only have Allah to turn to. but as jill said, Allah won't answer me straight away by words. i have to wait and observe and think. how long can i wait? i feel i don't have the strength to even THINK anymore. i did a LOT of thinking this one whole week. and maybe aku dah pikir banyak sangat, sampai semalam kepala aku naik pening, makan ape pun muntah balik. yang paling best, muntah kuey teow kat penang street sunway pyramid. i can't remember the last time i actually ate someting for REAL. dah 2 minggu aku makan ape pun tak habis. separuh pun aku tak boleh habis. this is what happened when miss goody-two-shoes got trapped in a bitchy problemo.
yes, i believe Allah made everything for a reason. but what's the reason of this thing i'm dealing with? is it a test? am i suppose to choose? OH GOD, PLEASE SHOW ME A SIGN!! i hate crying. crying won't help. i'm desperate to find someone who would let me be myself. i'm desperate to stop lying, stop breaking promises, stop feeling guilty. the time is moving and the feelings are growing. dangerous, blissful, all at the same time. tapi aku belum nampak lagi siapa yang aku boleh trust, siapa yang aku boleh rely on. 2 years ago i'd never thought i would be in this situation. i DESPISED people who were in this situation. but now i'm in it. and it's unfair. and it's sucks. i don't deserve this! i was once the victim. other people deserve this. not me. not me.
i'm scared. i'm so much aware that whatever you do, will come back to you. but i'm not the devil. i'm just stuck. there are so many consequences to consider, so many people who won't understand, and i never feel this confuse in my whole life. i'm only 20. why am i forced to be pressured like this? i just want to be happy. ya Allah, please show me the right way to happiness. i know someone will have to sacrifice, someone will have to lose, someone.. i don't know who. but there must be a solution to every problem in the world. and this one is not excepted. whatever my decision will be, it will be most definitely painful. be strong, wani. because you are. or atleast, pretend to be. :cry:
[u]'pissed off' of the day:[/u]
after 3 days aku balik subang, baru aku perasan bahawa guitar aku dah CRACK dan adik aku si ira yang SENGAL itu telah merahsiakannya dari pengetahuanku!! beliau yang mempunyai guitar sendiri tapi masih tak sedar diri, hanya mengatakan "sorry, i accidently dropped it!!" WHAT THE FCUK?? that thing cost nearly a thousand, for goodness's sake!! dahlah tadi aku makan cucur udang pun keluar balik.. hampeh.
|
|
|
| |
| || saat suara itu ku dengar. || |
| 05.12.04 (11:57 pm) [edit] |
i cried as i listened to that voice.
i smiled as i listened to the other voice.
is being in love the right thing to do?
is searching for the right one, the right thing to do?
who has the right to tell you which is the right one?
how and when will i know which is the right one?
am i the victim or am i the bitch?
am i guilty for feeling guilty?
am i guilty for wanting to be myself,
for wanting the best for myself?
it hurts to hurt other people.
i wonder how people did it to me.
it wasn't worth it then.
so is it worth it now?
who is worth everything and who is worth nothing?
i cried as i listened to that voice.
i smiled as i listened to the other voice.
voices, voices, voices.
to whom should i listen to?
i tried to listen to my own,
but all i can hear is silence.
confused silence.
am i really an angel undercover?
or just a hopeless heartbreaker?
|
|
|
| |
| || segala serigala. || |
| 05.12.04 (5:36 am) [edit] |
|
today i watched van helsing. it was quite a crowd. but suprisingly, it failed to impress me. :? entahlah.. there's nothing "whoaaa~" about it. no aura. no vibe. nothing. just the usual dracula vs werewolf tale, with a sleepy hollow atmosphere. the storyline was sooo predictable. and though hugh jackman was good, he played werewolf the way he played wolverine in x-men. what's up with him and this wolf thingy, anyway? maybe he was a wolf in his previous life. maybe he was bitten by one of 'em when he was five. who cares. i'm hungry. hungry as a dracula that craves for fresh blood. wolf wolf.
|
|
|
| |
| || selamat pulang. || |
| 05.11.04 (1:45 pm) [edit] |
exhaustion.
deep, deep, deep confusion.
half blessed and half dissatisfaction.
who can i possibly turn to? :?
|
|
|
| |
|
|
